Zaphod's Deepest Thoughts

2012, Doomsayers, The End of Time, and Cataclysm.

Okay, I am going to make my 2012 predictions now, and go on record with them.

IN 2012 NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY THAT COULD BE CALLED A CATACLYSM WILL HAPPEN.

There. I said it. The Mayan calendar will reset, and life will go on. But I also predict, that in 2012, the sensationalist fear-mongers will say they got it wrong, and the actual end of the Mayan calendar is in 2013, or 2014, or 2015, or or or, I believe some will even go as far as saying 2112! To these people, this voice from the then past says... SHUT THE HELL UP! You may not keep the sheeple amongst us living in a constant state of fear. Panicked worrywarts give me a sour stomach from empathy. You may play until the end of 2012, but after that...

GET A JOB, YOU WERE WRONG, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WRONG, LEAVE HUMANITY ALONE YOU UNBELIEVABLE IDIOTS.

YOU ARE NOT A PROPHET. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. YOU HAVE NO POSITION OF AUTHORITY. YOU HAVE DESTROYED LIVES.

And to those of you who were misled by these idiots, I have nothing but pity, understanding, and sympathy for you. Humans in general have always been into sensationalism, it is no fault of your own that you listened to these self proclaimed authorities. This might sound hypocritical, but put your faith in the Lord, for at least with that group, no one knows the hour of his return. They believe you should live your life in peace and just keep yourself an outstanding individual to be safe. Sounds good to me. Well, if ya gotta invest your time believing in something intangible, why not?

For those of you who call bull on this, good, you can't be fooled into wasting your life in fear of the end.

Oh, btw, the world will end, NO ONE KNOWS WHEN. But I guarantee, someday, we will be smacked by a big rock, maybe even a planet, chunk of stellar core, or the ultimate insult to all we've done and created, sucked into a black hole. Yes, it will end, but to waste your time worrying about it, sure wastes the precious moments of your life. Just think if all that time you spent worrying about you, and your lot in life, you spent worrying about the animals at your local shelter, the old and feeble, the starving amongst us.

What I think the main distillation of all this is...

Doomsayers are psychic vampires. Are you food?

Zap :)

Gloom and doom for the USA?

I don't think so, but this Russian does.

Personally, I think he's full of it, especially in the way the country is supposed to split up.

If I had to look at this as being an issue, turmoil in North America, and how it would divide up, here is my map of it.

Okay, that seems rather simplistic, till you consider my sources of input on the subject, which are the 2008 election maps (displayed further down), and a knowledge of certain things.

1. Where population centers are, and what influence they would have on soldiers able to be provided to the front.

2. General survivability of people in a breakdown of society, based upon the level of societal support they currently enjoy, and current lifestyle choices (Ever go hunting? Ever go fishing? Ever go camping? Ever go backpacking? These people who do can survive with allot less support than people who live in cities.).

3. Where most of the military hardware of the countries is stored, and where most of the soldiers serving in said military come from (loyalty).

4. Pincer movements between any two areas of stronger influence crushing a weaker area in between.

5. Ability to receive material support from foreign allies (ports).

6. The constant threat of Tijuana and their drug cartels being neutralized by absorption.

7. Disgruntlement of people being ruled by far off regions.

8. Historical division of areas of production vs. areas of transshipping and middlemen/management.

And finally...

9. The most recent (2008) elections, which areas supported which idealism. Here are the maps of those...

Source: US Elections Board.
Red=Right Wing/Conservative.
Blue=Left Wing/Liberal.
Note: Alaska went conservative also. (Sarah Palin, Conservative V.P. Candidate was governor of Alaska)

Source: Wikimedia Foundation.

Looks pretty clear and clean cut to me. So, lets hope, for the sake of silly pie in the sky leftists, and general ethics, that we don't decay into civil war. But if we do, I do believe my side of things will come out on top. Good will always triumph over evil. And you need to ask yourself, what IS good, and do your intentions lie in line with the classic definition of good.

If you can't tell intuitively what good is, then I bet you are in one of those areas not marked as being the new United States.

Zap!

Columbo Still Scratching His Head (But some things aren't public record.)

Perhaps you have seen the article from: http://www.nabble.com/Politics:--Columbo...Still-Scratching-His-Head-td19610231.html regarding the fictional, but lovable detective Columbo asking Barack Obama where certain records of his past are. However, some of these records (not all of them) aren't public information. Let me break down the list.

1. Occidental College records -- Not released
Private Institution. Only public record would be his degree, if any.

2. Columbia College records -- Not released
Private Institution. Only public record would be his degree, if any.

3. Columbia Thesis paper -- 'not available'
Must be published for peer review.

4. Harvard College records -- Not released
Private Institution. Only public record would be his degree, if any.

5. Selective Service Registration -- Not released
PUBLIC RECORD! MUST BE RELEASED UNDER F.O.I.A.!

6. Medical records -- Not released
Private Record: Doctor - Patient Confidentiality.

7. Illinois State Senate schedule -- 'not available'
Odd, but not unbelievable in a state that lets dead people vote. (Rotten Record Keeping) Also odd that none of his peers on the other side of the aisle could dredge this one up.

8. Law practice client list -- Not released
Only those clients who moved to trial and did not settle out of court would have public record of being attached to him.

9. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate -- Not released
PUBLIC RECORD! MUST BE RELEASED UNDER F.O.I.A.!

10. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth -- Not released
PUBLIC RECORD! MUST BE RELEASED UNDER F.O.I.A.!

11. Harvard Law Review articles published -- None
Ne'er-do-wells are usually ne'er-do-anything.

12. University of Chicago scholarly articles -- None
Ne'er-do-wells are usually ne'er-do-anything.

13. Your Record of baptism-- Not released or 'not available'
Private under Separation of Church and State (1st Amendment).

14. Your Illinois State Senate records--'not available'
See number 7 above.

Now the big questions are...

1. WHY are the public records that should be available under FOIA being withheld This is federally criminal.

2. HOW are these records being hidden? (F.O.I.A. is a pretty straight forward law. It would seem like if Obama doesn't get into office, allot of cooperating bureaucrats are going to go to prison.)

3. WHAT reasons would he have to hide the other records listed here? (Form your own opinions!)

4. WHO in his past would he not want to be associated with? (Thesis and Law Practice)

5. WHERE was he actually born? (Birth Records)

Too many damn questions for me to even THINK of voting for Barack...

Oh wait... Democrats/Leftists are emotional thinkers, so to them, it doesn't matter what reality is, but only that it feels good.

fear thy neighbor...

ElePHPants shouldn't face left!

For those of you who can't stand the idea of putting a left facing elephpant on your PHP powered website like this one...

 

Might I suggest this one? Free to use with pride!

 

Yet another small stab at subliminal leftist suggesion in the flood of media.

Zap!

Edit: Have a downloadable pack of different sizes, and filetypes, and some are transparent! elephpant_to_the_right.zip

GPS Navigation, and How It's Making You Vulnerable.

Used to be a time when if you were lost, it was commonplace to ask for directions. But this was an inconvenience to you, and the person that had to help. And it might put you in danger (heavens no!) of being in contact with the criminal element. Or even worse, as a man, you had to admit to your wife you were yourself lost, and needed to ask directions. Of course, it also meant you might miss out on hearing about the best place in town to get eats (not the place that paid your GPS navigation data provider the most for top placement in their restaurant list.), or maybe even make a new lifelong friend.

There is the oldskool way, the trusty old map and compass. Sure, not many city folks know how to use them, but living in Wyoming, it's a matter of survival. "Huh?" you say. Yes, survival. If you don't stick to the main roads, and are looking for a place to fish, or hunt (as many people do when they come to Wyoming), you better know how to read a map, and to tell if you are on public land, and if not, where is the ranch house on that topo. Not doing so, can get you shot at, and perhaps killed. The last thing a rancher wants to see, is some out-of-stater with a gun, walking through his pasture where he keeps his $150,000.00 prize breeding bull with a bad attitude. That bull doesn't know what a gun is, and will charge you like any other invader, and you will probably shoot rather than run. So guess who might shoot first?

Of course, using said tools, requires you know how to use them. It's called Orienteering. Pick up a book on it at your library, ask a veteran (they love to feel useful), or steal your son's Boy Scout handbook for a bit. What? Your son isn't in scouting? For shame! What? You don't have a son? Then put your daughter into the Girl Scouts, they do it too! .......... Oh, you are too young for kids, then get into scouting! Why? Keep reading.

 In our current state of paranoia there comes a time when one must wonder, in the panic following a good kicking, if our government may turn on its own civilians. Perhaps it won't even be intentional, but in a panic knee jerk reaction, it may do things it thinks will protect everyone, but instead cause mass detriment to the populace.

For instance, the chances of some foreign creep looking to blow stuff up running around Wyoming is pretty slim to none. The US Bureau of Reclamation had decided, along with the Department of Fathe... errm... Homeland Security, that one of my favorite fishing holes by Alcova Dam in Alcova, WY, needed to be fenced off to protect us. I can't drive, or even walk up there to the spill gates to toss a line in the water anymore. You hear this Dick Cheney? This is a place we both have fished at (Not together, but I gladly would), now closed forever due to some idiotic out of state numbnuts deciding it was a target of THE TERRORIST. Horsepuckey! We all know terrorists don't strike infrastructure. They are into flashy areas with lots of civilians, and big bangs.

I have digressed...

The whole point of the preceding being, that Imagine some day, some bureaucrat flying a desk in Washington D.C. gets some bad information about an impending missile attack. Imagine that, the government getting bad information! But they do. (We stayed in Iraq for the right reasons, and we should never have left in the first place!)

So, in a panic, Mr. Faceless and Blameless public servant decides the GPS system should be shut off to civilian receivers (or maybe even accidentally crashes the whole shebang) to avoid providing the missile guidance. You suddenly have no way to figure out where you are... that is, unless you have bought a map (or picked one up at the tourism information center when you crossed the border for free). What I am saying is, GPS is nice and accurate, but it has a fatal flaw, it is electronic, and foulable in so many ways!

Actually, as another sidenote, in a couple years, it won't matter, the terrorists will be using the Russian GLONASS which we have no control over.

This still doesn't mean GPS won't be tampered with, even by nature. It's a microwave radio based system, and that means line of site. I have been down in several deep dark canyons where you might be lucky to see 2 birds at any one time... and this is the last place you want to be lost, is in the middle of nowhere, at the bottom of some pit.

Also, if your system isn't large (as in has a big antenna) or sensitive, severe weather may block too many of the satellites from it. Imagine being lost in the dark, knowing there is an F5 Tornado sneaking up on you. Your GPS has quit because there is too many tons of dust and water held aloft in the supercell above you blocking the signal. You were madly looking for the interstate to escape, but now find yourself in the middle of a corn field at the end of "Bob's Road." Wouldn't it be nice to have a map, and the skills to read it with you to know that the on-ramp is only 2 miles away, but only if you make 3 left turns from where you are, instead of the 3 rights you are going to take that will take you over the interstate with no on-ramp, and right into the path of destruction?

Trust me on this one folks, this planet is pretty oldskool. And it plays by the old school rules. Learn how to use a map, and maybe a compass, and save yourself a bunch of grief. Don't rely on technology, it can betray you at the worst times, and according to Murphy, it will!

Or, you can always lower yourself to asking a local where to go... (I got yer answer right here!).

Zap!

Ex-Smoker Speaking Out on Second Hand Smoke.

 Okay, let's face it, unless you are really, and truely allergic to it, the chances that second hand smoke affects your health is next to impossible. For THOUSANDS, if not closer to a MILLION years, proto-humans lived in nasty, smoky caves. Now if you are on the left, chances are you are a Darwinist, and under those auspices, you have to believe what I am about to say is correct. If you are on the religious right, well, sorry, I am a conservative libertarian and drop rhetoric for logic (may God forgive me).

 Long ago, those who would have been adversely affected by second hand smoke, have been weeded out of the gene pool. That's right, all your studies with skewed statistics, loaded goals, and biased, hand-picked samples, don't matter one whit to me. Face it, back then your choice was freezing to death, or huffing the smoke. If you were pre-disposed to problems with the smoke, you either died, froze to death, or were one tough S.O.B. and wandered outside and became a yeti. Bigfoot is a dead end species, and I feel sorry for the few that remain.

 Now, as an ex-smoker of over a year, I believe I can speak with some authority here... second hand smoke does not stink to an ex smoker (unless (s)he has become allergic to it.) To me, and many others I can trust to be honest about it, second hand smoke smells of sweet ambrosia. Yes, those first few puffs from that cigarette across the room may as well be the Woman in the Red Dress from The Matrix... distinctively attractive, distinctively deadly. That little self gratification neuron in your brain wakes up and goes "Oh yeah, I remember that. Wanna play?" It takes a stout grim resolve not to slip back into the habit. Congrats if you have come to terms with your demons, and reached a golconda (Golconda, state of enlightenment in role playing game Vampire (World of Darkness)).

 Now, if you are a non-smoker (never had it, never will) I will admit, from my memories as a child in a house with a regular, and menthol smoker, it stinks... no... it f**king reeks! It stains the walls, plugs up cooling fans in your PC, and makes the TV look fuzzy. It's a nasty habit, and I am proud to say that when I did smoke, I did do it outside, or in private areas where those who didn't like it, could avoid it. The one exception was cafes. And to this day, I still sit in the smoking section with my friends that smoke, because they are my FRIENDS and deserve not to be treated like crap for an addiction which was shoved down their throats, and is damn hard to break. (Thank you Lord for helping me break the shackles!)

 But for the rest of you ex-smokers out there, whining and fussing because you are being reminded of pleasure now forbidden, do us all a favor...

1. Shut the hell up.
2. Come to terms with an addiction you will never fully kick.
    (Recovering Alcoholics have, why not you?)
3. Remember, inside every smoker there is a human being who needs love.
4. Remember, that by pushing them away, you can't set a good example to them.
    (non-smokers cannot set an example, because they have never had the addiction)
5. Make an allowance for them, and fight for their rights to die.

A little logic, love, and a whole lot more honesty from ex-smokers might make this addiction easier to deal with, both for those in denial, and those who have come to terms with it. And you non-smokers just need to shut the hell up about second hand smoke, or go to some place that forbids smoking.

Carbon Credit? Noooo... Carbon Debit!

Okay... 'nuff is enough...

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CARBON CREDIT PROMISARY STATEMENT

I, Zaphod Breeblebrox, do solemnly swear that I will NOT burn down at least 500 Million Tons of forest ever. This does not exclude any other forest from burning at a future date. As of now though, 500 Million tons are safe from my hand. I wish to leave the other tonnage for the other wise people not to burn.

As such, at a rate of 50% carbon by weight on average by for wood, 250 Megatons of carbon 12, or 920 Megatons of Carbon Dioxide (weight 44) will not be released into the atmosphere.

Since I have avowed NOT to commit this horrible act of arson, I wish to deposit my 920 Million Carbon Credits (in ton amounts) in the Gore Carbon Bank.

I move my hand this day upon this document, Zaphod Breeblebrox (04/18/08)

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Okay, there you have it, I have 920 Million Carbon Creds to my name. I can now sell it to any corporation who wants it for real money, or even buy more for deposit. Gee, that was easy and fun! Thanks Algore! Oh, and, I gotta have a card to go with the credits!

Never has not doing a crime been so profitable. Take what you need my friends!
(There's always more forest not to burn if I need it!)
(or be nice and hit my tip jar out in the main site for using the card on your site)

(this of course, is for fun and giggles, if you thought something else, yer a lib... errm... idiot.)